This morning I found myself having this conversation with the Lord. I have certain expectations, but this thought came about 5 days after we received some tough news. The sale of our home in Spring had fallen through. Let me walk you through this. Christi and I have lived in 4 different homes in our 16 years of marriage. 2 of our 3 homes sold in a week. The sales went flawlessly, we even made a small profit. 1 of our homes we sold for fun. Yes, I said for fun. We did a "For Sale by Owner" just to move off of a corner lot and see if we could make a little profit. That home stayed on the market almost a month and we were in no rush to move. There was no pressure.
This is our history. This is how God has ALWAYS worked with us. When our Realtor in Spring asked what our expectations were in selling our home, we were honest, "a few days." She lovingly understood...with great reservations. Well, 3 days after the house was on the market we had 2 offers on the house and signed the paperwork (with a preapproval letter included for the buyer). Once again, God worked just as we expected. Mark one off for the good guys! The Lord was testifying again of His faithfulness.
In faith, we moved, rented a town home and started looking at homes. Well about 2 weeks ago the rumbling began. Things might not work as expected. "No worries" God will work it out. We created a new plan that would provide time for the buyers and still protect us from carrying a lease and a mortgage. Last week on Wednesday, that plan fell through. It was obvious, for a least a month, if not more, we were carrying 2 notes.
Our emotions did the typical roller coaster. "Why Lord?" was said a few times, "What are You trying to tell us?" During this questioning we made a plan. We can carry both. No frills, no big vacations happening, no savings, but we can do this. Stress hasn't been a big factor, Praise the Lord, but that doesn't mean the questions stopped. I still found myself with the honest reality...The Lord didn't meet my expectations... what does this mean?
I found myself at Romans 5:2-5, "...and we exult in the hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
God exceeds my expectations A LOT, but when He doesn't meet them...it's ok. Maybe my expectations, although well intentioned, aren't the RIGHT expectations. I mean, if God wants to reveal Himself in a new way to me...that's what I want. I want to know my Lord more deeply than I do now. I want to see new glimpses of his glory and how can this happen if God only moves in my life the way I expect Him to move. Nothing new there, just affirmation of what I already know.
Yes... this situation is a trial! I had a plan...but I want my heart to rejoice in this trial! God isn't meeting my expectation. He is up to something new and although I don't completely "get it" I am excited that on the other side (and I know there is another side) my hope will not disappoint me. So although God hasn't always meet my expectations... I have never been disappointed when I have placed my whole hope in Him...38 years of life...that has been the one constant. So let the trial come, Ok, in my heart I hope that it is a short one ;) regardless of my expectations I am sure that the Lord who loves me will see me through and show me something New!
